The Impotence of Being Earnest
by Ebony Secrets
Summary: Draco is faced with all the horrors children can present. Just a cute little oneshot.


_Alrighty, because I'm probably getting rid of my original account, I'm moving my work here. This is just a quick little one-shot, nothing big. The thanks for the name go to Pia. And please review! --Jes_

The Impotence of Being Earnest

"Gin, no, children hate me!"

"Oh, Draco, it's not possible that all children hate you," Ginny Malfoy said, looking at her distressed husband with amusement. She was curled up on the couch in their new apartment, which was small but very lavishly decorated. From her position, she could see Draco's pacing in the kitchen area, and thought it was hilarious. He was almost mortally afraid anyone under the age of ten.

"Ginevra Malfoy, what else would you define the summer picnic massacre as?"

Ginny snorted. "So Harry's daughter got a little testy with you-,"

"She threw her entire bowl of baby food at me!"

"But-,"

"Three times!"

"Amazingly good aim, too," Ginny mused. "But babies are like that; they don't understand when they're doing wrong."

Draco sank down next to Ginny on the couch. "Then Angel and Robbie tied me up."

"They were playing wizards and Aurors, and you said you'd play!"

"They left me there for an hour."

It took all of Ginny's self-control not to laugh hysterically at the memory of an indignant Draco, covered in badly knotted rope. "Well, it's certainly not their fault they have a short attention span; they do belong to Fred. And you should have had your wand!"

"They took it away! Then they left one of those damn smoke contraptions and put a silencing charm on the room! They had it all planned out, I'm sure of it!"

"They were three years old!"

Draco waved his hand dismissively. "Age means nothing to these little devils."

Ginny giggled, and snuggled into Draco's side, who put his arm around her absent mindedly. "You'll be fine. Ron and Hermione's kids were always the sweetest little things."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Draco muttered, turning to Ginny and placing small kisses up her collarbone. "Can we just," kiss, "try," kiss, "to," kiss, "wait a bit before agreeing to watch them?"

"Draco, it's not fair to Ron and Hermione…" Ginny squirmed in delight at Draco's ministrations. "And it's too late to cancel…"

Draco stopped immediately, looking at Ginny in alarm. "What do you mean it's too late?"

Ginny said nothing, just smiled, as there was a knock at the door of the apartment.

…………

"Oh, Hermione, I'm sure they'll be very well behaved with us," Ginny said as she took her ten month old niece Cyan from Hermione's arms. She bounced the baby gently on her hip, who happily gurgled. "See, no problem."

"We can't tell you how much this means to us," Ron said, nudging his six year old son Ronnie and his two year old daughter Molly forward. "We haven't been able to have a night with just the two of us since Cyan was born."

"Well, we're glad to help out." Ginny elbowed Draco in the ribs, and he emitted a non-committal grunt.

Ron slanted a gaze at Draco. "I know how newlyweds can be, but I really don't want the kids exposed to anything."

Ginny put her hand over Draco's mouth automatically. "We won't even look at each other too hard."

"Alright," Ron said warily. He bent down and kissed Molly and Ronnie on the head, then whispered something in their ears, causing Draco to glare down at him.

"Okay, then," Hermione said, pressing a kiss to each child's cheek. "We'll be back for them in the morning.

Draco smiled knowingly. "What do you think you'll need all night for- oof!"

Ginny removed her elbow from Draco's ribs yet again. "Say goodbye, kids."

"Goodbye!" chorused Ronnie and Molly, the baby making a gurgle by way of any farewell.

Ron and Hermione left, and Ginny went to go get the baby a bottle, leaving Draco staring uncertainly at the two small children before him. "Er…"

"It's alright," Ronnie said dismissively. "It's understandable that as you have no children of your own, you'd be at a loss for how to amuse us."

Draco blinked, taken aback at how Ron could have produced such an intelligent child, even with Hermione's genes involved. The kid was a walking textbook!

"Take Molly and show her where the television set is," Ronnie ordered. Thanks to Hermione and Harry's influence, there was a muggle television set in almost every Weasley's - or former Weasley- house. It just so happened that Draco and Ginny's was a big screen.

Draco obediently took an eager Molly by the hand. "What will you do?"

"I'll go help Aunt Ginny in the kitchen."

Draco led Molly to the living room, laughing at her surprise at the huge television set. After her assurance that she knew how to use the "demote contwol", Draco returned to the kitchen, where he saw Ginny and a slumbering Cyan, minus any other red haired children. Where's Ronnie? He mouthed at Ginny.

Just then, a bang sounded from the corridor, and Ginny winced as Cyan stirred. "Here, you hold her and I'll go see what he's up to," she whispered. Before Draco could protest, he found himself with an armful of baby who was looking up at him through half-closed eyes. Draco stared back in terror as she opened her mouth, waiting for the impending scream. But Cyan just yawned and went back to sleep, nestling against his chest. Draco was afraid to move for a moment; still amazed he had escaped disaster.

…………

Ginny came back in the room, stopping in shock as she saw Draco gently rocking a sleeping baby and looking down at it tenderly. He looked up at her with a small smile, and she returned it with one of her own before going to check on Molly.

…………………

"Never thought I'd see the day," Blaise said, shaking his head and looking at a smug Draco. "I thought kids hated you."

Since Draco had married Ginny, Blaise had grown close to the Weasleys as well. He was a frequent caller at Draco and Ginny's, and had dropped in just to see Draco's latest fiasco involving children.

"Yeah, so did I," Draco said with a faraway look in his eyes. "But Cyan was so… cute, I guess, just lying there and not crying, or yelling, or throwing anything, or kicking me-,"

"Uh-oh," Blaise said with a knowing smile. "Is this a longing tone I hear, Draco?"

Draco looked ponderous for a minute. "It doesn't seem so scary anymore."

Blaise grinned, clapping Draco on the shoulder before preceding him to the kitchen for dinner.

…………

"Uncle Draco's impotent."

Ginny damned near spit out her Butterbeer at this announcement.

Draco made a pained choking noise.

Blaise seemed to be the only adult at the table unperturbed by Molly's statement. "And where did you hear that, dear?"

Draco slanted a suspicious glance at Ginny who met his gaze and returned his suspicious look.

"Daddy said so today." Draco's teeth made an audible grinding noise at this.

Ginny looked at Draco in surprise. "I thought you and Ron were getting along better now?"

Draco looked murderous. "So did I."

It was obvious Blaise was trying very hard not to smile. "What exactly did your daddy say, Molly?"

"He said, 'Uncle Draco's a very impotent part of the family now. You kids make sure you behave."

Ronnie rolled his eyes with all the disdain a six year old could muster for a younger sibling. "Molly, you moron. He said he's important."

Molly glared back petulantly and stuck out her tongue, mashed potatoes notwithstanding. "That's what I said. Impotent."

Draco looked considerably more relieved, but stiffened as Molly continued her chat.

"Aunt Ginny, do you think Uncle Draco's impotent?"

"Oh, I think he's very, very impotent," Ginny said impishly, with a sweet smile in Draco's direction. "So you kids should definitely listen to him."

Draco's glowering eyes promised retribution.

…………

"Draco, would you mind holding Cyan for a moment while I go get her diaper bag?"

Draco took the baby carefully, but she immediately burst into tears. "Oh, no, it's ok," Draco soothed frantically, wondering how she could have turned on him so quickly and looking at Blaise wildly for help.

"Put her over your shoulder," Blaise motioned, "And rub her back gently."

Draco did as directed, surprised when she let out a little burp. "Ah- ew, what's that?" he asked, wrinkling his nose at the warmth he felt down his back.

Blaise sheepishly said, "Er… babies sometimes spit up when they're burped."

Draco grimaced, handing the baby to Blaise. "I really liked this shirt."

…………

"See, that wasn't so bad." Ginny snuggled up to Draco in bed later.

"Hmm…"

Ginny turned over and looked at Draco. "You know you had a little fun, admit it!"

"Well," Draco drawled, stroking Ginny's back, "I could have done without taking a bath myself while trying to give Molly one."

Ginny laid her head on his chest. "We made it through alive."

"It's not over yet," Draco warned, motioning to the baby monitor next to the bed. "And we have to watch them tomorrow morning, too."

Ginny laughed. "The worst is over."

"Maybe not," Draco said slyly, rolling over and trapping Ginny below him. "What do you say we get started on our own "well behaved" batch?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Ginny said, pulling him down to her.

Both were only slightly put out when sounds erupted from the baby monitor.


End file.
